Saturday, August 23, 2008
A Dot-dot-dot Morning...
....No time to explain, let me sum up...Nate Costa, the Ducks' starting quarterback, tweaked his knee near the end of Thursday's practice. It has diminished my appetitite for everything, including sex and chocolate, but I would not refuse a visit from The Girl in the Red Dress. The MRI results come back Monday, but all the murmurs are subdued....I celebrated payday last night with a good workout and a visit to the teriyaki restaurant....lost 5.50 playing poker, played in two tournaments and busted out in both, losing with pocket queens all in before the flop versus pocket eights (he rivered a one-card running straight draw) in the first and then in the second, short-stacked 80 left before the money, I had to move in with pocket fours. (Sooner or later, you have to take a stand). The small blind called me down with a suited king-jack, a mediocre hand to call for half your stack, but he turned a zzxx%!&! jack and I was busted and disgusted. Nothing I could do, unless I was the Amazing Kreskin or could go back in time...Went to bed early; I was tired and it clearly wasn't my night, and The Girl in the Red Dress wasn't going to call...It turns out there's a bank just a block up the street from my house, the Riverview Community Bank, with personal service and a small-town attitude, in business here in the Portland area since 1923. When I get my poker check on Wednesday I'm going to stop by and visit. Their website says they'll make it easy to switch with their customized "switch kit." It will give me great pleasure to fire my bank. I may even print out a pink slip...Doug called me this morning. Gretchen and Victoria are busy with girl things like school shopping and his son Tucker borrowed his car, so he is stranded at home. I'm going to throw the bike into the back seat of the Vista Cruiser and we're going for a ride and a lunch. I'll shower at the gym in Wilsonville, poke my head in the door to say hi to Roger and head out to Mo-lalla to tend bar for the Cowboy party...It will be a grand but busy day...I hope Costa has his knee on ice, and the other Ducks are buckling their chinstraps. The season opens in a week...May God give you blessings today, and may you be awake enough to receive them with thankfulness....
Actually we weren't doing "girl" things but "family" things Doug doesn't want to participae in, I want to make that perfectly clear! First off was a doctor and physical therapy this morning for Victoria with the new doctor we found that uses the same tape and proceudres being done at the Olympics. I don't you watch much but if you have seen any of the tape on the beach volleyball player it's the tape being used by her. Next we were off to soccer where Victoria practiced while the parents had a meeting to meet the coaches and player's parents. Many dads were there. After practice it was a lunch with the football team and parents from both sports. Doug doesn't believe in team bonding let alone team parent bonding. The bonding and burgers were both great Doug missed it all. Next up is chaparoning the youth group to the City Fest. Again Doug was included if he wanted, he chose not to I did ask him to come with us. He doesn't like teenagers, crowds or loud muic all of which will be in abundance for the rest of the day. I do more and more things by myself or with the kids minus Doug all the time, I hate it but mostly I accept it and move on. More and more Doug says to me "I don't want to go but feel free to go if you want". Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, often I don't even ask Doug because I don't feel as rejected that way. I guess this sounds pretty harsh but today is a perfect example of how Doug could have spent the entire day with his wife and kids if he wanted to. Sometimes it just hurts more than others. Often it's just easier to assume he's not paticipating and make plans without him.
ReplyDeleteGretchen,
ReplyDeleteYou sound frustrated. And appreciate your honesty. But this sounds like something you and Doug ought to talk about. You shouldn't be calling him out on the blog.
I am obviously no expert on marriage. I have four ex-wives to prove it. But the problem is you are an extreme extrovert married to an extreme introvert. You were a cheerleader and sang in the high school musical. Doug was a football lineman and sat in the back of the class and cracked jokes with Steve Wegner and Mike Cameron. You love meeting people and being involved. Doug hates meeting people and being involved. In that area, your life together will always be a series of uneasy compromises and digging in of the heels.
Your only hope, as I see it, of getting Doug to do more is to choose things he likes to do or feels open to. And once in a while, Doug has to get out of his comfort zone because he loves you.
The worst thing you can do is stew about this and keep him in the doghouse. That only creates more distance and isolation. Stubbornness gets people entrenched. Believe me, I should know.
The two of you have of the most successful marriages I am personally acquainted with, although several of my siblings have achieved long and happy marriages, in spite of our troubled upbringing (where did I go wrong?). It makes me sad to hear the two of you are having a squabble.
Take care, and thanks for writing and commenting. I don''t think I'm going to make it to the church barbeque today--it's just too far to go and I got up and started my laundry and household chores. b Plus I'm feeling kind of introverted.
You know, I told Doug one time something that bothers me a little: I've never had a conversation with Len where I didn't like he was judging me, sizing me up. I feel really uncomfortable talking to him. I may be way off base saying that, and I know he is a wonderful man and a good leader and a very good teacher from the pulpit, but he and I have just never hit it off.
Dale