Failing a test of endurance

I finished 30th out of 1737 players in a $2 poker tournament Monday night, which is harder than it sounds, but less lucrative than I'd like it to be. The good money doesn't start until you make the final five. I got a little impatient at the end, and pushed a chance that was well outside my normal character. I should have waited for a better opportunity; there was no need to flame out in that moment, because I had a little more time. It was a loss of discipline. By then it was 1:23, and I think the thought that flashed in my head in the moment of decision was, "I'm tired of being pushed around. I know he doesn't have much. I'm going to take a chance here and challenge him. If it works out I'll have a stack to do something with, and if it doesn't I'll get some sleep." I had a jack and a ten in the big blind, a mediocre hand with some possibilities. The big stack bully turned over a ace and a four. He called an 18,000 chip reraise with an ace and a four, and it was enough. He flopped an ace and I flopped into bed.

I tripled my money, but missed out on a better prize. Work is interfering with my poker. I'm just kidding, but my, yesterday was a particularly toxic day. The last call of the day was a young woman with no limits--she had more garbage in her mouth than we missed in her can. From the way she spoke to me you'd think I'd personally tipped it over and tripled her bill. My stomach was in a knot when she got off the phone, and immediately I got another call. I could barely speak, shaken and feeling humiliated and angry with myself for not disconnecting her. I'm really a terrible fit for what I do, but I have to earn a living somehow.

Marie and I didn't get a chance to talk yesterday. We exchanged a couple messages but that was all. I went to the gym after work and had chicken teriyaki for dinner, and one Curveball ale for dessert, in the third hour of the poker game.

I'm slow to learn the lessons and fend off the blows. Mick is doing his best in the corner but he wants to throw in the towel. I have rounds to go before the bell rings, rounds to go before the bell rings. Bonus points if you get the references.