In the dark night of the soul on Friday night, I sent an email to Marie, and Saturday afternoon she sent a reply.
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Marie,
Not taking or returning my calls is hurtful and mean.
You going out to bars when we are still married, 2 and 3 nights a week, is not okay. You wouldn't accept that from me.
I try to help you. I did a nice thing for you today, and I did it because I care about you, and I've done that several times.
You could at least show some respect and compassion, and be honest with me, and try to understand when I express fear or insecurity. This has been very hard on everyone.
Storing up resentments and throwing them in my face makes things so much worse.
I wish you still cared for me and wanted to be with me. But you don't act like you do. And that really, really hurts.
I love you and I am sorry things have turned out so badly. I am sorry for my part in the fight, and the ways I've failed you as a husband.
Marie, I don't think you can get over my leaving. I only left because we had such terrible bad fights. I've always loved you and I always will, and I don't want to be with anyone else and haven't been, but you have so much hurt. I am so sorry for the way things have turned out.
I feel awful. I'm sorry we have gone through so much and your life is so uncertain right now. I wish I could fix it and heal the hurts between us.
Please forgive me. I know we probably will never be together again, but I am filled with sadness for us to dislike each other or not be able to talk.
I love you so much and want the best for you. I wish you happiness and peace.
take care and I'm sorry
Dale
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Dale,
I am sorry I didn't return your call last night. I love you and am just devastated by all the pain we have caused each other. I am really sad that you have apparently given up on us. Your blog entry was pretty emphatic. I am surprised that you can flip so dramatically in a matter of a few hours. You wrote this email @ 12:16 and the blog @ 1:30. What happened in that period of time?
As far as trying harder, I have been trying. I think you should allow to be human. Heaven knows I have more than my share of fears and insecurities. Most of the time instead of reassuring me, you just get angry and impatient with me and then I am just more upset.
I think the part of the blog about the "stunning woman" at Alyssa's graduation is misleading. The fact is, you had not returned MY phone calls for days prior to your entry about said woman. I had no way to contact you other than your workplace. Yes, I was enraged by you ignoring me, you writing about another woman and you having sold your wedding ring.
I will not phone or text you as it would be futile since your phone will be in the drawer. I don't think I will read your blog anymore either, it would be too painful.
I understand your decision to remove your wedding ring, it will make it easier to move on with your life. Giving up on us will be the most difficult thing I will ever do. We had so much potential and really did love each other and have a great time when we weren't battling our demons. God, I hate that the demons won...
I really do care about you and want you to be happy. I wish we could be happy together but that doesn't seem possible. I know losing you will cause me a deep, soul wrenching wound that will always be with me. God, why does it have to be this way? I hope we can stay in contact and resolve our problems in a civilized manor. I don't want to cause you any more pain and I really do like and love you and know you are a good man.
I feel so lost right now, as you know in many ways I am still a little girl who needs her daddy. I miss my daddy. Thank you for helping me out financially, I know you don't have to. I do appreciate your help, you have always been very generous. Thank you for your kindness.
Take care of yourself and know that I did and do love you and wish you well.
Marie
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Marie,
i just want you to know--I'm not angry with you. I'm lonely and hurt
--- Dale
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