In the aftermath of all that's happened and scalding criticism and awful arguments, the ground is unsteady under my feet. Rather than day-to-day I am moment-to-moment, filled with uncertainty and self doubt, anxiety and fear.
Yet we have moments of redemption and unaccounted for grace, moments when anything seems possible. A tender embrace. Genuine affection. Reflection, quiet conversation and the beginning of belief, understanding and healing. A pleasant night watching The Rolloffs or Duggars, or playing Sequence at the kitchen table. Marie makes a favorite meal or holds me tightly before I leave for work.
When she leaves home and is gone later than I thought (three hours for a job interview?) my mind starts racing and I'm apt to start watching the clock. My heart doesn't stay calm. Alone in my thoughts I start questioning the wisdom of trusting again, and I'm filled with discouragement that she might not ever forgive me for my own sins and flaws of character. Can we make it out of this fireswamp of hurt? Some days it seems inconceivable, and others it seems true love can survive even death.
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