Thursday, November 13, 2014
A good death
My sister is dying of cancer. She has two tumors in her chest, inoperable, and it has spread to her lymph nodes. The doctor gave her two years, and four months of that is spent.
K_____ is 15 years younger than me, the youngest of seven. Though my parents are both passed, she's the first of my siblings to face death, and she's doing so with a courage, dignity and strength that I marvel at.
She has 3 daughters, ages 11, 16 and 22, two grandchildren and a loving husband. She's made it a priority to seize the time she has left, enjoying every walk and dinner and night on the town for ice cream.
Her funny, thoughtful Facebook messages have been an inspiration to family and friends. She's gathered a community of Love around her, truly living rather than waiting to die. Middle daughter Tia is six feet tall and graceful, growing to be a beautiful young lady. She's a sophomore, trying to make the varsity basketball team. My sister has one, maybe two more seasons to watch her, and plans to cheer on every dribble and swish.
Friends drop off meals for her family. Trips to town in the small community where she lives are a hug-a-thon. She remembers to thank her nurses.
My sister's hope and optimism rests not in elusive miracles but in the commonplace ones: she's focused on living and enjoying her family and saying a long good good-bye.
Though I don't want to lose her, I marvel at the light, energy and joy she is sending out to the world around her.
This is the Way the Transformation Begins
"Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw, Robert F. Kennedy
This is the way the transformation begins.
It begins in me.
It begins now.
It begins with small incremental changes and shifts in attitude
it begins with positive action
failing forward
and suddenly I start looking at the world and my place in it in a new way. I speak differently and dress differently and project a different energy, and the world opens up like a glorious pink azalea bush, eight feet tall and blooming like mad.
Good morning!
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
Make it a daily practice to begin your day with five minutes of thankfulness. You can even do it in your car on the way to work. Do it in your own way, whether it's thoughtful reflection or a prayer or singing out loud, but focus on your rich, amazing, abundant life.
Feeling grumpy or resentful or worried instead of thankful? Change direction! Consider the incredible gifts you have--mind, body, spirit, senses, your family, your friends, your clothes, your car, and the breakfast you enjoyed this morning. By the standards of 99% of the world, Americans are incredibly, amazingly rich. You truly have no idea how richly blessed you are until you start thinking about it. Even the heart that beats within you and the lungs that breathe your air are an intricate and amazing miracle.
Some of my favorite movies are ones that feature a once-defeated character waking up to an absolutely new day: "It's A Wonderful Life," the various versions of Dicken's "Christmas Carol" and "Groundhog Day." How exhilarating it is for George Bailey to wake up and realize his life isn't over, it's just beginning, and that today truly is a brand new day.
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