I finished 30th out of 1737 players in a $2 poker tournament Monday night, which is harder than it sounds, but less lucrative than I'd like it to be. The good money doesn't start until you make the final five. I got a little impatient at the end, and pushed a chance that was well outside my normal character. I should have waited for a better opportunity; there was no need to flame out in that moment, because I had a little more time. It was a loss of discipline. By then it was 1:23, and I think the thought that flashed in my head in the moment of decision was, "I'm tired of being pushed around. I know he doesn't have much. I'm going to take a chance here and challenge him. If it works out I'll have a stack to do something with, and if it doesn't I'll get some sleep." I had a jack and a ten in the big blind, a mediocre hand with some possibilities. The big stack bully turned over a ace and a four. He called an 18,000 chip reraise with an ace and a four, and it was enough. He flopped an ace and I flopped into bed.
I tripled my money, but missed out on a better prize. Work is interfering with my poker. I'm just kidding, but my, yesterday was a particularly toxic day. The last call of the day was a young woman with no limits--she had more garbage in her mouth than we missed in her can. From the way she spoke to me you'd think I'd personally tipped it over and tripled her bill. My stomach was in a knot when she got off the phone, and immediately I got another call. I could barely speak, shaken and feeling humiliated and angry with myself for not disconnecting her. I'm really a terrible fit for what I do, but I have to earn a living somehow.
Marie and I didn't get a chance to talk yesterday. We exchanged a couple messages but that was all. I went to the gym after work and had chicken teriyaki for dinner, and one Curveball ale for dessert, in the third hour of the poker game.
I'm slow to learn the lessons and fend off the blows. Mick is doing his best in the corner but he wants to throw in the towel. I have rounds to go before the bell rings, rounds to go before the bell rings. Bonus points if you get the references.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
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This is the Way the Transformation Begins
"Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw, Robert F. Kennedy
This is the way the transformation begins.
It begins in me.
It begins now.
It begins with small incremental changes and shifts in attitude
it begins with positive action
failing forward
and suddenly I start looking at the world and my place in it in a new way. I speak differently and dress differently and project a different energy, and the world opens up like a glorious pink azalea bush, eight feet tall and blooming like mad.
photo by Kajo123 from the website flickr.com
Good morning!
An engineer builds a bridge and every bolt and weld has to be exactly right; every measure has to be perfect, or the bridge collapses or fails to take its place. Fantastically detailed blueprints have to be laid out. Impact statements have to be filed, sediment has to be studied, years of effort, months of planning, and a man-made marvel rises in the sky. Park somewhere and take a good look at a bridge, and think of all the skill and knowledge and hard honest work it took to create it. Consider how a few thousand years ago we were living in caves.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
The Hawthorne Bridge at sunrise, Portland Oregon. Photo by Joe Collver, from flickr.com
Genuine happiness and success start with an attitude of abundance
Make it a daily practice to begin your day with five minutes of thankfulness. You can even do it in your car on the way to work. Do it in your own way, whether it's thoughtful reflection or a prayer or singing out loud, but focus on your rich, amazing, abundant life.
Feeling grumpy or resentful or worried instead of thankful? Change direction! Consider the incredible gifts you have--mind, body, spirit, senses, your family, your friends, your clothes, your car, and the breakfast you enjoyed this morning. By the standards of 99% of the world, Americans are incredibly, amazingly rich. You truly have no idea how richly blessed you are until you start thinking about it. Even the heart that beats within you and the lungs that breathe your air are an intricate and amazing miracle.
Some of my favorite movies are ones that feature a once-defeated character waking up to an absolutely new day: "It's A Wonderful Life," the various versions of Dicken's "Christmas Carol" and "Groundhog Day." How exhilarating it is for George Bailey to wake up and realize his life isn't over, it's just beginning, and that today truly is a brand new day.
"It's a Wonderful Life"
George returns home to everything he ever wanted.
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