On Monday Marie sent me and email and asked if she could come live with me again. For all my proud posturing and stubborn phone stuffing, these were the words I was dying to hear. The world was instantly lighter and more promising. A weight left my chest. I felt more human and more alive. Just having her tell me she still cared, still wanted me, hoped for the same things I hoped for, it shattered a hard shell of gloom around me, far more oppressive than I realized. I'd been in denial, trying to say it didn't matter and didn't hurt.
Tuesday she came over and we went to the gym together, then to $2.50 all-you-can-eat taco night at McGillicudies. She had a Budweiser lime and I had a Mirror Pond Pale Ale. We walked over from my place, and just talking and walking over there, holding her hand under the orange harvest moon, it felt like the most perfect vacation, a trip to Italy and Disneyland all in one. We came home and made love in the brown thinking and reading chair I bought at a garage sale for $20, and her being mine and me being hers, it was just perfect.
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I look around the world we're living in, and have to wonder. Surely there has always been trouble and uncertainty, good news and bad, but the signs and portents seem stronger than ever these days. Hurricane Ike. The collapse of the financial markets, Shearson Lehman, AIG, Washington Mutual, empires crumbling. Tent cities springing up in Reno, Seattle and Portland. Millions losing their homes to foreclosure. Korea, Pakistan and Iran actively developing nuclear weapons. I am not a prophet or a politician, not a wise man, not an expert. But the difficulties, the calamities and the disasters seem to be mounting. You have to wonder what it means, and who's in control, and where it will end. It's not a good time to be alone. It's not a good time to faithless, purposeless, glib or unaware. It's more than just a bad news cycle or a rough hurricane season. It's a time to ask what's important. It's a time to be prepared. It's a time to keep close to your family and friends, and keep watch. Trouble is coming. Faith, love, friendship and family are more important than ever.
The end of this month, we are going to be reunited as man and wife. We haven't worked out all the details, but I have never been surer of any decision, and I have never been happier. I may not be blogging much for the next several months, although I'll try to check in.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
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This is the Way the Transformation Begins
"Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw, Robert F. Kennedy
This is the way the transformation begins.
It begins in me.
It begins now.
It begins with small incremental changes and shifts in attitude
it begins with positive action
failing forward
and suddenly I start looking at the world and my place in it in a new way. I speak differently and dress differently and project a different energy, and the world opens up like a glorious pink azalea bush, eight feet tall and blooming like mad.
photo by Kajo123 from the website flickr.com
Good morning!
An engineer builds a bridge and every bolt and weld has to be exactly right; every measure has to be perfect, or the bridge collapses or fails to take its place. Fantastically detailed blueprints have to be laid out. Impact statements have to be filed, sediment has to be studied, years of effort, months of planning, and a man-made marvel rises in the sky. Park somewhere and take a good look at a bridge, and think of all the skill and knowledge and hard honest work it took to create it. Consider how a few thousand years ago we were living in caves.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
The Hawthorne Bridge at sunrise, Portland Oregon. Photo by Joe Collver, from flickr.com
Genuine happiness and success start with an attitude of abundance
Make it a daily practice to begin your day with five minutes of thankfulness. You can even do it in your car on the way to work. Do it in your own way, whether it's thoughtful reflection or a prayer or singing out loud, but focus on your rich, amazing, abundant life.
Feeling grumpy or resentful or worried instead of thankful? Change direction! Consider the incredible gifts you have--mind, body, spirit, senses, your family, your friends, your clothes, your car, and the breakfast you enjoyed this morning. By the standards of 99% of the world, Americans are incredibly, amazingly rich. You truly have no idea how richly blessed you are until you start thinking about it. Even the heart that beats within you and the lungs that breathe your air are an intricate and amazing miracle.
Some of my favorite movies are ones that feature a once-defeated character waking up to an absolutely new day: "It's A Wonderful Life," the various versions of Dicken's "Christmas Carol" and "Groundhog Day." How exhilarating it is for George Bailey to wake up and realize his life isn't over, it's just beginning, and that today truly is a brand new day.
"It's a Wonderful Life"
George returns home to everything he ever wanted.
1 comment:
I certainly do hope things do turn out for you and Marie and sincerely want you to be happy. I have missed your blog even the parts I skip.
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