The Promises We Make and The Commitments We Keep: making the right decisions in a confusing and unpredictable world

Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell tell you, do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jersualem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes" by 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

(Matthew 5:33-37)

In a world that is always looking for a loophole, a bailout or wiggle room, a life lived in God's grace calls you to a higher standard: Keep your word and your promises. Treat your vows and commitments seriously. Consider the consequences of your decisions, and follow them through. That was the lesson in church today, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me, in the midst of several major life decisions, an area where I don't have the best track record as we have seen. In years past I've made them rashly, stubbornly, or angrily, with predictable results.

I've decided to stay in Portland. This is my home. I want to be with Marie. In a week or so we should be getting a $1453 tax stimulus check, enough to get an apartment and make it a home, and that's what we'll do.

This time it just feels right, and I am going to do everything a man can do to make it work.

Marie and I went to church today, her third Sunday in a row and my second in the last three, so already we are making progress. We said hello to Elmer, the kindly old man who's survived three cancer surgeries, and William, a genuine and good man I judged way too harshly in my bitter wrestling match with myself over the summer, who still greets us with a welcoming smile. William runs the Recovery Group that meets at Beaverton Christian on Friday nights.

Afterward we had another simple day together. I feel a real peace right now, a certainty. We have been sustained and encouraged by the good thoughts and prayers of some very precious people, and it's as if we're surrounded by a hedge of protection, a tremendous sense of healing and hope. We went to Borders and read the Sunday paper. She had a gingerbread mocha and I had a green tea. We embraced each other and held hands, had lunch at Baja Fresh and took a nap in the car, then went to the gym. The last four days have been quiet and sure and full of grace. We belong together. There's a lot of uncertainty in the world, and a lot of gathering trouble. No matter what that brings, we are better together than we are apart.

The job in Oak Harbor was a safer choice, but it wasn't a better one. There's no guarantee if I went. A new manager would be in charge and we'd be joining from another unit, the new guys. The relocation money was contingent on a year of service, and would have to be returned if the year wasn't completed. What if he didn't like me, what if the economic downtown dictated a reduction in force?

I'll find another job, or create one. What I don't want is another wife. After 50 years I found the one who is everything I ever hoped for and all the trouble I can handle, and I want to be where she is.

I have never been more sure of anything, and that's worth a fortune in this uncertain world. It's a promise I intend to keep.