Officially, The Misery Index is an economic indicator that combines unemployment plus inflation. It is often cited by politicians in their attempts to blame the other guys and get elected. You can largely ignore this index. Things are always bad and getting worse; it doesn't do any good to think about it. Your mother and grandmother were right. Be thankful for what you have.
Personally, The Misery Index is the gap between the life you hoped for and the life you have. The important thing to realize here is, this gap is your own damn fault.
We have to own our misery. We have to acknowledge it. And then we have to tell it to shut the hell up.
We are responsible for our expectations and our dreams. We choose what we create, and most importantly, we choose how we look at it. One of my favorite movies of all time is Moonstruck with Nicholas Cage and Cher. Grandma Rosie loved that movie. She liked the line when Olympia Dukakis says, "Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food and I'm gonna kick you 'til you're dead!" It sounds like something she would have said, blunt and practical and funny.
My favorite line comes early in the movie. Cher has gone to patch things up between her fiancee and his younger brother, who haven't spoken in years. Ronnie lost his fiance and his hand and he is bitter and blames his brother. Cher is moved by his story, they have a drink and a bloody steak and fall into bed. The next morning she is frantically gathering her clothes and dressing in a closet--we have to forget this ever happened, she says, this is a secret we have to take to our graves. The moonstruck Cage looks plaintively into her eyes and says, "I'm in love with you." The future wife of his estranged brother, whom he just met 20 hours ago. She slaps him across the face, "Snap out of it!"
Snap out of it. That's the line. That's the secret to happiness. The solution isn't finding a new job or a new love or some magic panacea. It isn't Neuro Linguistic Programming or Scientology or winning the lottery. It's waking up to the life you have. It's being fully engaged where you are. Put on a favorite movie and snuggle up. Go see the new baby movie. Or visit your laughing, smiling, cooing granddaughter, the beautiful squishy miracle who lights up the world. Find the humor in your life, and the hope. Rediscover the language and the stories and the inside jokes and stupid expressions you used to share with the one you loved. Watch Napoleon Dynamite together, or The Princess Bride or Secondhand Lions, true stories full of heart and humor and devotion, and remind yourselves of the heart and devotion you have for each other.
Snap out of it. We don't have to succumb to The Misery Index. The solution is looking us in the mirror.
Friday, May 14, 2010
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This is the Way the Transformation Begins
"Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw, Robert F. Kennedy
This is the way the transformation begins.
It begins in me.
It begins now.
It begins with small incremental changes and shifts in attitude
it begins with positive action
failing forward
and suddenly I start looking at the world and my place in it in a new way. I speak differently and dress differently and project a different energy, and the world opens up like a glorious pink azalea bush, eight feet tall and blooming like mad.
photo by Kajo123 from the website flickr.com
Good morning!
An engineer builds a bridge and every bolt and weld has to be exactly right; every measure has to be perfect, or the bridge collapses or fails to take its place. Fantastically detailed blueprints have to be laid out. Impact statements have to be filed, sediment has to be studied, years of effort, months of planning, and a man-made marvel rises in the sky. Park somewhere and take a good look at a bridge, and think of all the skill and knowledge and hard honest work it took to create it. Consider how a few thousand years ago we were living in caves.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
It is not so with a dream. Some people are remarkable dreamers and dreams spring whole from them, or they can leap up from bed and pages of creative genius flow out of their pen, intricate and perfect. Most of us though are baby dreamers, new at it and tentative to the trust the power of what we wish for.
Start the dream! Whether you want to go to nursing school or college or learn to play the guitar, take a first step, now, even in the wrong direction. Don't wait for the blueprint to come to you, the environmental impact statement, the permits and the 200-page budget and legislative dream approval. Rough it out, sketch it on a napkin, tell a friend, and take action. Your dream begins the moment you step out in first moment of believing, and the result can touch a thousand souls. Listen to Jim Valvano: never give up, never surrender. Believe in the audacity of action and your fantastic potential for change and new opportunity.
The Hawthorne Bridge at sunrise, Portland Oregon. Photo by Joe Collver, from flickr.com
Genuine happiness and success start with an attitude of abundance
Make it a daily practice to begin your day with five minutes of thankfulness. You can even do it in your car on the way to work. Do it in your own way, whether it's thoughtful reflection or a prayer or singing out loud, but focus on your rich, amazing, abundant life.
Feeling grumpy or resentful or worried instead of thankful? Change direction! Consider the incredible gifts you have--mind, body, spirit, senses, your family, your friends, your clothes, your car, and the breakfast you enjoyed this morning. By the standards of 99% of the world, Americans are incredibly, amazingly rich. You truly have no idea how richly blessed you are until you start thinking about it. Even the heart that beats within you and the lungs that breathe your air are an intricate and amazing miracle.
Some of my favorite movies are ones that feature a once-defeated character waking up to an absolutely new day: "It's A Wonderful Life," the various versions of Dicken's "Christmas Carol" and "Groundhog Day." How exhilarating it is for George Bailey to wake up and realize his life isn't over, it's just beginning, and that today truly is a brand new day.
"It's a Wonderful Life"
George returns home to everything he ever wanted.
3 comments:
Thanks to you the misery index in my life is extremely high. You removed our wedding and trip picture...?
Dad---
I have to say Moonstruck is still a little before my time, but Mom really likes it too. How are things going? Any updates on the homefront? Tom's here and we're doing good. Apparently I'm now too relaxed because he's home and things are finally ready for the baby. Most contractions have stopped! I need to find ways to get stressed, hahaha funniest thing ever. We are hoping to go for a walk later today with the E-man to see if we can get her riled up. I'll keep you posted on the progress.
Me
Anonymous--
I didn't remove the wedding and trip pictures. I move several entries to the place in the blog they would appear chronologically. There were 3 entries I had had on the front page that belonged to the first few weeks of writing it. I moved them back to where they belonged so the story could read forwards, that's all.
Steff--
Elizabeth appears to be a little drama queen. Already she's made more entrances than James Brown. You need to put Moonstruck in your Netflicks queue--it's a beautiful, funny movie and it isn't before anyone's time.
Love,
Dad
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