Here's What I Gotta Do

1. Eat with more forethought and attentiveness. Eat sensibly. Control my portions. Eat smaller meals more often. Mix in some vegetables. Don't eat merely for comfort or entertainment. Drink more water--don't fall into the trap of eating because I'm thirsty, eating because I'm bored, eating to pass the time or accompany the television. Take time to focus on and enjoy my food, take small bites, really chew and taste the food. Don't gobble. Avoid eating mindlessly or indifferently. Avoid eating on the run or while occupied or preoccupied with something else. Part of the benefit of saying a blessing over food is to remind us that food is a blessing, a celebration of safety and provision and abundance, and the act of eating is an acceptance of mercy and sustenance and grace. It's foolish to take the food I eat for granted. It's a grievous detriment to my health and well-being. Mix in some exercise and activity. Get moving. Don't be a slug, or a slave to habit. Get started. Don't waste the day, particularly my leisure hours, which are precious and hard-earned.

2. Stop harboring murderers and thieves. Anger, worry, frustration and hurt are the soul-destroyers and silent killers. They age us by the minute and rob our lives of joy and hope. Examine why I have these feelings. Let go of things I can't control, and develop a plan to do something about the things I can change. Take the first step. Declare my intentions. Stand up for myself and what is important. Stop wasting time in misery or inattention, reflect on my life, and change its direction. What is my purpose? What is my plan? What am doing about it? I have to realize that bad habits and mindless pastimes and stored misery will keep me stuck forever, but only if I allow it. Move forward. Be honest with myself and others. Reach out instead of clamming up and suffering.

3. Make a list. Make several lists. I ought to have a bucket list, a list of goals, a list of obligations and issues and problems to solve, a list for the day, a list for the month and year. I ought to pray over those lists with same devotion I pray over my food, because these tasks and hopes and assignments are the abundance I am given to "eat" in life. I spend too much time staying numb and keeping occupied, while the undone and unexamined and unaddressed pile up around me. I am lazy in heart and failing life. Most of the time I merely exist. This is harsh criticism, but warranted. All the important things I ignore. So many of the trivial things obsess me.

4. Get a new job. My present job is a perfectly honorable and good job, for someone else. It doesn't interest or engage me. I spend my work day being abused by toxic people over something that isn't my fault and doesn't matter at all, something that wastes time and rots their brains. It is eight hours of misery and drudgery and fear and anxiety and unpleasantness. I dread climbing the stairs to work. I have a lousy shift, a terrible boss, and poor pay. And it's my own damn fault. I didn't plan, I didn't apply my skills and resources, and I haven't researched or prepared a better solution.

5. If I want to write, if I say I want to write, I have to write. Every day. I can't allow myself to be bullied by harshness or sneering criticism, by blow-back. I can't worry about the reaction. I have to write what I see and feel and observe and know and stop hiding. I have to write like my life depends on it, because it does.

That's it for now. There's a lot more I gotta do and consider, but that's a start. Stay tuned.