Have You No Sense of Decency?

A quick scan of yahoo news is all the convincing anyone should ever need. There's a frenzy of excess out there. The entire world is as giddy and crazed as World Cup fans after a goal in the 85th minute.

A time share magnate in Orlando Florida has fallen on hard times. He's selling his $75 million dollar home. It's 90,000 square feet and has 23 bathrooms, 13 bedrooms and 3 pools. The garage holds twenty cars. But there's a catch: he ran out of money when the recession killed his business, and the house is unfinished. It has no carpet or interior walls. Still, it's a steal at $75 million. Maybe he'll take a little less. I think I'll have my guy call his guy.

The 17th richest woman in the world is French shampoo and cosmetics heiress Liliane Bettancourt. She was caught on tape recently plotting tax evasion, and has since declared her solemn intention to declare all her foreign assets, including the secret Swiss bank accounts. The State of Oregon garnished my wages last week because I owed them $192. The trouble was, they already deducted the same debt from my Federal tax refund. I could have used that money. $192 is six bags of groceries, or the start of the down payment on my new mansion in Florida, which has a bowling alley and a movie theater. I'm telling the guy he has to put in a putting green or it's no deal.

Disgraced financier Bernie Madoff is in the federal slammer now, but he's bragging to the other inmates that he managed to squirrel away nine billion dollars before the Feds sent him to the pokey. He gave it to three of his pals for safekeeping. One of the friends reportedly was the guy who ratted him out. If I were him I'd be worried that that one might just tell him, "What money, Bernie? I don't remember any three billion dollars. Are you sure you didn't leave it with Charles or Liliane?" Bernie is also worried his wife may be cheating on him. A new book came out that detailed his many extramarital affairs. Bernie is considered a celebrity in prison because of the scale of his crimes, and the prison inner circle provides him protection. But he's sought out the prison psychiatrist for help with his depression and anxiety.

A federal judge in New Orleans blocked a proposed moratorium on more deepwater drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, while the federal government has begun processing a $20 billion fund for compensation claims in the current Gulf oil disaster. Boy, that judge ought to take a few minutes a day to read yahoo news. It might be a good idea to slow down on more drilling until they find a way to drill without spilling so much. Like my mother used to say, I won't be around to clean up your messes forever.

General Stanley McChrystal is being summoned to the White House after he gave an interview to Rolling Stone highly critical of U.S. policy in the war in Afghanistan. He made derogatory remarks about President Obama and his staff. I guess he forgot that part in the Constitution about the Commander-in-Chief. It's a good thing the Rolling Stone doesn't interview me about my boss. But then again I don't think he reads the Rolling Stone. I'm not even sure he reads. I know he writes emails. I get a new one every day detailing the latest way I screwed up. Yesterday it was the all-important phone transfer policy. I forgot billing closed at nine. I didn't actually transfer the customer; I just dialed the extension before I remembered. But I got a memo anyway. I hate memos. They're not as bad as being summoned to the White House, but still. Maybe I should send a memo to the State of Oregon.