From Now On I'm Buying Truffles for Myself

Marie cancelled our meeting. I was on the train headed downtown when my phone rang. I glanced at the display and it was her number. "Hot Mrs. Newton" it said. A nickname from happier times. "Do you get my message?" I hadn't. "I called you to ask if we could push the time back. I don't feel very well." I told her I was already on the train, but it was all right, we didn't have to meet today. We had a short, tense conversation on the phone and I got off at Hollywood station and walked over to see what was playing at the Hollywood Theater. "My Winnipeg" was on the bill but not for a couple of hours. I decided to go home. I'd bought a little package of chocolate truffles for Marie and decided to eat them myself, sitting on the bench waiting for the train, reading the Sunday paper.

I got a lot done Sunday. Cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed my room, washed and folded and put away three loads of laundry, got the car washed and vacuumed and changed the oil, took a two hour nap. I took myself out to dinner at Calamity Jae's, watched the ninth inning of the Dodgers and Phillies and had the steak and fish special. It was a good, restful, productive day.

For seven solid months I've wooed and pursued Marie and tried to make amends for our troubles, and I've written several thousand words in praise of her. It's just not going to happen. She's hurt that I left and will never get over that, and the issues that led to the crazy fighting and shouting have never been resolved. I'm here and she's across town, and it's no better than even money that she will answer the phone when I call her or return it on the same day. In seven short years I will be 60. Autumn has closed in, but that isn't the worst thing or the most defining thing. Every day is an opportunity, a choice, a hope, or a surrender. Robert Browning wrote,

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'”

I'm not afraid of what lies ahead of me. Every age and moment of life has its compensations and joys and comforts. I think my greatest gift as a human being is the ability to see the worth and joy of small things, a three dollar tin of chocolate truffles, a cleansing workout, two hours in good company. I don't need a lot, or even want a lot. I just want to get along and live and learn a little, have a few hours of reflection, a little something to enjoy and look forward to. This weekend is the Duck-Husky game with my family. When I finish here I have a $3 poker game and a small chance to win $500 if all the cards fall right and I avoid rashness in the first two hours. You have to stay alive as long as you can, give yourself a chance to get lucky. I've already been lucky. For 33 months I made love to Marie Annette George, and it was an amazing moment in an amazing life.